Sometimes last month, I wasn’t feeling good.
I tried to check everything around me and it was all good. Nothing was wrong and nothing wasn’t okay but I wasn’t. I used to be happy and joyful but I wasn’t anymore. Not that those things making me happy disappeared, it was just that I didn’t feel as great as I used to.
I tried to scan through my life, what caused this gloomy pit in me? No one knew this and I didn’t even bother to share it with anyone because it was unexplainable. It was as if part of me had falling off and the other part left was useless.
“What must have caused this?” I thought.
I tried to trace back to when this awful feeling started. I took a lot of time to think deep and wide to find the cause if this unspeakable sadness.
Nothing around me changed but I myself changed. I stopped doing somethings that silently gave me joy. I used to spend so much time reading books, studying my Bible and praying but I stopped.
Why did I stop?
I thought it was taking too much of my time and maybe I should pause. I learnt I lot from those books and felt God’s abiding presence. I actually didn’t know this things were already part of me. They made me feel complete as a person.
Then that made me think so deep and I had two thoughts roaming in my head.
One, what other things am I supposed to do but didn’t do or I stopped doing because I thought they didn’t matter? Maybe I would have been a better person. Maybe I would have learnt a lot, done a lot and achieved a lot.
The second is so deep. There are somethings God wants us to do and until we do them, we can never have peace. No matter where we run to and how far we go, we’ll still have to come back to do them. We can even distract ourselves by doing other things. Not that these new things are bad, it’s just that they are not what God wants us to do at that time.
No matter the successes we attain, that inner joy of fulfilment will never be there. That was what happened to me. And sometimes, it makes us feel that we cannot succeed.
God has His assignments for us per time. Since you’re still alive, there is still something(s) you have to do. When you’re done with one, ask Him for the next thing to do. That will make the fulfilment you’ve got in God sustained. And we’ll be happier than we could ever imagine.
Photo credit: Google Photos
May 24, 2020.