“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough,
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up,
Am I more than just a sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once a gain just who I am because I need to know” Lauren Daigle
I guess this is just the perfect explanation of who you are. Your head is a battle field and the fight just never stops. You are trying to differentiate the truth about you from the lie and it’s so hard because all looks the same.
Different thoughts flow through your mind and you can’t just ignore them. You hear yourself saying something different from what is on your mind. Your mind is yelling out ‘I’m not fine at all’ but you feel your lips move slowly and surprisingly hear yourself whispering ‘I’m cool’.
When you need people the most, no one shows up. And now you’ve decided to be alone, quiet and silent in your own little world, and now people have just decided to flood your life and turn it into a chat room. You have the whole world around you but you are still very lonely. No one understands you and you can’t blame them because you yourself can’t understand yourself.
You know you are born to be great. You feel it and you are sure about it. But you know part of you is not sure about that. Part of you feels you are not strong enough for that. Part of you feels you are not capable and strong enough to bring your dreams through. Sometimes you’re not even sure of what you want to do. Then people call you NFA- No Future Ambition. But are you?
You are trying your best and doing everything you can, but it doesn’t just measure up. You know you have a lot to do but the pressure is just too much. You are doing all you can but the world expects more. Everyone says you are lazy but you know you are not.
Lately, you’ve even forgotten who you are. All you are sure of about yourself is your name.
But this is who you are.
You are an athlete struggling and striving to win. All you know is that your legs are moving and your hands are swinging. You don’t know how fast or slow but you just continue. Your body is aching and breaking down but you seem not to take note of that. You can’t see any other thing apart from the finish line. Infact you can’t hear what people say because it can distract you. You can’t look back to see who is behind you. All you think of is finishing first.
So I guess you should just continue, one day, when you are done racing, everything will be fine. You’ll then have stories, amazing ones, to tell.
Photo credit: Google Photos.
April 6, 2020.